MGM in lights

The limo pulled up outside my suite on April 3, my  birthday. I strode out with a small suitcase and more importantly a bottle of Veuve Cliquot in my hand ready to head to Las Vegas and party for 60 hours straight.

It was by far and away the best trip I’ve had in some time. From start to finish we laughed so much, had too much fun and provided each other with an eclectic mix of entertaining stories and moments of hilarity experienced during the weekend. Topping this off was the perfect timing of so many great Flight of the Condors quotes & songs and ‘What what in the butt’ and Spongmonkey references

The MGM Grand was indeed a grand place to stay, each morning we opened the curtains in our hung over state to see the huge gold letters on the side of the green glass of the hotel. Our two queen beds were pushed together so we could all spread out like soldiers in a row each night – or more rather the wee hours of the morning. Great idea Malcolm!

One of the most memorable moments was the dissection of the previous night out whilst we all lay together in bed, this was when the saucy secrets came out, who had done what was revealed, what we’d drunk, who we’d snogged, how badly we’d danced, which VIP line we’d jumped, random conversations we’d had and more importantly who came home at what hour of the morning what happened in between!

Luckily what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas but key highlights include:

• Friday night venture to Hooters – 1st stop,  for free drinks, where the lady dancing on the bar announced over the mic “Who here wants to f#ck bitches and hoes” to which all the women shouted out `Wohoo’ and we stood there dumbfounded and realised we did not belong there
• Being denied entrance to a lame private party at the Mandalay Bay club so creating an even better party by dancing on the seats of our intimate horseshoe shaped area and throwing back Jaeger bombs. Apparently when we left I was classy with a capital K when I yelled out “Your party f#cken sucks!” and doing ghetto style hand movements to hammer my point home to some shocked people behind the glass
• Sipping a yard long daquiri through giant straws whilst wandering through the amazing Luxor (pyramid shaped) hotel and then posing with the Sphynx and Al getting caught by the guard for getting too initimate with the lion
• Owning the Studio 54 dance floor – on 3 levels and partying til it shut and there was no-one else left! This included Al’s brilliant answer to the man’s question of “Are you on the VIP list?”, “Yes”, “What’s your name?” ” Mr VIP” – too funny and it got Elizabeth and I in!
• Finding a huge bruise on Elizabeth’s mysteriously injured leg  the next day and that I had glass in my foot from when I decided to bounce around shoeless….
• Walking down the strip in the sunshine wearing the tackiest coloured plastic poker visors and checking out the beautiful Bellagio fountain and foyer, getting on the guest list of the best clubs, and being handed cards with naked ladies and being asked “You want whores?”, to which I replied “Why would I want that?”, his simple answer “Titties and vaginas” – of course, how silly of me.
• Seeing the outrageously sexy and boundary pushing Cirque de Soleis show – Zumanity – highly recommended!
• Being on the guest list and partying at Tao – the largest club revenue wise in the world with 6000sqft spread over 4 floors including a rooftop pool. Amazing interior, beautifully designed, and lots of ladies hired to look bored whilst stroking each other…I was the last one of our group out of there, leaving at closing time.
• Spending the final day poolside with the rafting river, yard long alcoholic slushies, spa pool and listening to the pumping sounds of Wet Republic (the outdoor daytime club) that I would definitely visit next time
• Gambling for just 20 minutes over the entire weekend and losing $50 very quickly on Black Jack and Roulette so that we could leave to the airport, where we were actually paged for our flight even though we’d been sitting in ‘Klassy’ Burger King for ages reliving the weekend with stories, laughter and memories that will forever be imprinted in our minds and hearts

Yes all that and more folks, it was truly a memorable way to spend a birthday, with great friends and body worse for wear. So much so I gave up drinking for 3 weeks after it!